Forever Changed

Our lives have been forever changed by the events of the last 6 months. On Tuesday, January 2, 2012 we found out that I was pregnant. Six years of trying to add a biological child to our family had been made real. The Lord in his kindness used 6 months of treatment for my endometriosis to clear my body from that miserable disease and free my womb to carry a child. Sam and I were elated! We had an appointment with the doctor. later that week and then another one when I was 6 weeks pregnant. Originally, we were supposed to have an ultrasound a few days later, but my grandfather became very ill and passed away the day before. When I called to cancel my appointment because of having to fly to Florida they graciously rescheduled my appointment for the next day and I was able to see the tiniest little heartbeat. 

I had another appointment scheduled for 8 weeks and it was at that appointment that our lives were once again forever changed. It was at that appointment that the nurse practitioner told us that we lost our little one. Our baby's growth stopped at 6 weeks and 1 day, the day after our ultrasound showing us that sweet little heartbeat. We were devastated. But, in an amazing way, the Lord seemed ever near and comforting. I remember driving to pick up Rebekah (I told Sam that if he was okay he should go back to work and finish the rest of his day) and then driving home and having a flood of Scriptures coming to mind. Some of them were Scriptures that I had been meditating on as we struggled through our inability to conceive, our failed adoption with that sweet baby girl from Memphis, and while we waited for the next 5 months to see if the Lord would bring another child into our life through adoption. Some of them were scriptures that I memorized long ago, some scripture read at our wedding, and others scripture that people had shared with me during conversations as ways of encouragement. I never felt more comforted by the Lord as I did in those moments. It was only the Lord and me in those hours of grief and though I never would have chosen to go through them, I am ever grateful for that time because I experienced a Fatherly love and care that only my Heavenly Father could give me. As Sam once said to a friend of ours, we are going to be forever changed by this event. We may not always feel the depth of sadness that we do now but we will forever be changed and walk with a limp because of it. 

After learning about our miscarriage we then waited to see what would happen and if my body would catch on that our little one had passed. It never did. My body continued to treat the baby as if it were alive and tried it's hardest to nourish and protect the life that was once there. So, on February, 21st we drove to the hospital for my scheduled a D&C. It was all very surreal. I never thought I would be going into the hospital under those circumstances only to leave hours later with only Sam and me in the car. The recovery wasn't easy and it took my body nearly two months to return to normal. The Dr.'s had given me a deadline before I would have to have another D&C and possibly follow that with a type of chemotherapy. Thankfully, we missed the deadline by 1 week!

In May we proceeded with updating our home study with our adoption agency and refiling for our background checks. We had been waiting a year with our agency. In some ways it seemed like a very long year, but in others it seemed to go by so quickly. We were told that the placement time was usually within the one year mark and we were hopeful that within a few months we would be adding another child to our family through adoption. So, we filed all of the necessary paperwork and waited, again. 

June came around and I had a feeling that I was pregnant. My blood sugar levels were rising and they had been nearly perfect for a while. It was a symptom that I was either pregnant or had a virus. I called the Dr.'s office 4 days early and they sent me for lab work. I was just positive that I would be hearing back from them with a "congratulations!" on the other end of the phone. I was wrong. They called back and said that the blood work came back negative. I felt so foolish, so silly for having told my friends, and so bad for telling Sam.  I even called the office back and asked if there could be some mistake. The nurse on the phone answered me with the response of , "honey, it's just not your month.". Well, after taking 2 pregnancy tests and getting positive results I called my general practitioner asking for a complete panel of labs to be done. The only thing I could find online said that negative blood work and positive home pregnancy tests could be uterine cancer. They recommended that I wait over the weekend and see if the test line got stronger and if so, they thought that I was more than likely pregnant. So, on June 17th, my 30th birthday and Father's Day, I took another test and there was no denying that it was positive and I had to be pregnant. The next day I went for my labs and that afternoon the Dr. called back with the results that I was, in fact, pregnant. It was our month! The Lord in his kindness had allowed us to carry another child! We found out the next day that Sam's sister, Carol, was also pregnant and we would probably have similar due dates.

Over the next few weeks we fought the tendency of letting doubt and anxiety creep in. We were traveling to Florida to see our family and wouldn't have a first appointment until we got back. I was 7 weeks pregnant when we had that ultrasound and saw that wonderful little flutter of a heartbeat once again. I was dismissed to be followed by a high risk OB and we had our second appointment and ultrasound with them on Monday. I was 13 weeks and 4 days pregnant and the entire appointment was so surreal. I never thought I would experience something like that: being able to see a baby that looks like a baby, seeing our baby move, hearing that heartbeat, and having an appointment that left us joy filled and so incredibly grateful to the Lord who is knitting this baby together in my womb. We were under strict orders from my sister in-law to ask if the ultrasound tech could tell the gender so we went for it. Sam gave the speech of, "I know you probably won't be able to tell for sure, but if you can tell, would you mind giving your best guess if it's a boy or a girl?". Usually gender isn't determined until a later appointment, like a month later. Well, for some reason baby was hanging out upside down and the tech told us that we would have to see the Dr. first and then come back for her to take the measurements that she needed but she went ahead and looked around first and let us hear the heartbeat so we could feel some comfort. From what she saw, and pointed out to us, she said it looked like we're having a BOY! After coming back for her to take measurements, Sam asked again if there was any more evidence of gender. She said that she couldn't tell from his positioning at that time but that she was 90% sure we are having a little boy. So, if all continues to go well, Lord willing, a son will be added to our family in mid to late February. Our due date is February 23rd (4 days after Rebekah's 4th birthday). 

 There are a number of things that you could pray for if you would like to join us in lifting up this pregnancy and our little one. How can you pray? 
1) Being diabetic makes pregnancy more difficult than a healthy woman's pregnancy. My blood sugars have to be really good and with hormone changes that's not always easy. I measure or weigh everything I eat, count carbohydrates, am pricking my finger an average of 15-20 times a day, and talking with my endocrinologist about every 3 days. I have been diabetic since I was 9 years old, 21 years, and dealing with diabetes while pregnant is something that is one of the hardest things I've ever done! But, it's one of the ways that I can care for our little one, and I am happy to work hard for him if it means that he has a better chance at being healthy. Pray for my health and baby's health, and that my doctors would work quickly to fix things when necessary as my blood sugar levels are ever changing. 
2) Pray that we would fight anxiety (especially me). It was sometimes easier when I felt sick to trust that everything was okay. Now that I've hit the second trimester and am starting to feel better, but still can't feel baby move, it can be a struggle to trust that everything is okay.
3) Pray that we would trust the Lord and know that He is good and kind no matter the outcome of this pregnancy. People often say to us that "the Lord is so good" to give us this child. That is a very true statement! However, the Lord was also good and kind when he chose to take our first pregnancy from us. We need to remember that  God's character does not change and that He is good and kind no matter what happens in our life's circumstances. He demonstrated His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Praise God for His consistency in character and love for His children! Pray that while we wait these next months that we would wait for our child's arrival with hope. We want to wait, trusting our God in a hope-filled way, yet without putting expectations on Him that would incline our hearts toward distrust and a sense of failure if He would so choose to take this little one from us. 
4) Pray for Rebekah as she begins to adjust to the idea of a new baby coming. We told her about our other pregnancy and it was hard for her to understand the loss. My grandfather had just passed away and so she understood (as much as her 3 yr old mind could) that our baby died too. However, it stuck with her. About two weeks before we found out about this pregnancy she was asking about our baby that died. We told Rebekah about this pregnancy last week. She kept saying she was going to have a sister and that her name was going to be JoJoHannah. We told her she was having a brother and she seemed unimpressed. I'm sure she'll get over that once baby arrives.
5) Our hearts are still very much turned toward adoption. We want to adopt again. However, our agency's policy is that our profile be put on hold until our child is 1 year old. So, with that being said, we want to thank you for your care for us through your prayers and financial support for our adoption. Our money that was raised through selling shirts is in a separate adoption account and is safely waiting for us to be able to start the process again once we're approved to do so. If you have questions about this you can e-mail me here and I'd be happy to answer them in private conversation. 

Thank you all again for praying for us and walking through the last 4 years with us as we sought to grow our family in a way that would honor the Lord and bring glory to him. Family growth has not been an easy road for us but we are grateful for the spiritual growth that has come out of it and are forever changed because of it.

And in case you needed a picture of Rebekah, here she is at the KY state fair in front of a city bus. She's been asking to ride one for some time now and I'm pretty sure this was one of her top 3 favorite things that day.

Things Not Yet Seen

We found out yesterday that our home study was going to expire next month. Disappointment set in. It's been almost a year that we've been waiting for the phone call that would inform us that our family would be growing to a family of four. Waiting has been hard. Actually, I don't know that hard is a sufficient word for what our wait has been. The last year has had so many ups and downs and yet the Lord has been constant. His Word and His character are the same. The book of James says that with God there is no variation or shadow due to change.


"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures."
James 1:12-18


So, last night as I laid in bed, I prayed. I spilled my guts to the Lord! After all, does He not already know what's in my heart? Scripture is clear that He does! It's also clear that when I don't know how to express my thoughts to the Lord because I'm overcome with emotion too great to articulate a thought, the Lord has given me a Helper to intercede on my behalf. This week, I have been ever grateful for my Helper.


"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified."
Romans 8:26-30 


So, what do we do? Well, we choose to hope. It's something that I've been thinking about on and off for months. The Lord has often brought this word to mind when I've faced discouragement.


"Hope? In what?", you might ask.


Well, a few things. We hope in the fact that the Lord means to use our circumstances to edify and sanctify His children. He uses them to conform us more to the image of His Son.


"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified."
Romans 8:28-30 


We hope more in heaven. Hope is, after all, said to be something not seen.


"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."
Romans 8:18-25


So, I spent my morning making A LOT of phone calls, updating info, and requesting background checks. As my day crept on the Lord, in His kindness, refreshed my soul and has encouraged hope to sprout from it's rooted soil of my heart. I'm so thankful in the Lord's foreknowledge and soverign care for my soul. He knew I would need the encouragement to hope in Him and His faithfulness to His children today, and weeks and months ago started planting seeds of scripture, HIS WORDS, in my heart. Praise God for a Creator who doesn't leave His creation to walk this world alone. I'm so thankful for His father-like care for His children! Today I feel like the Lord's arms are gently comforting me. I feel like His kind eyes have locked with mine and they are telling me to wait patiently... to wait for Him to act because He knows what is good for our family. He wants me to hope.


More than hoping for a child to be added to our family He wants me, His child, to hope in a greater life than this world can offer. He wants my heart to LONG FOR HEAVEN more than it longs for a bigger family. Over the last year I've dealt with a decent amount of loss. Loss of ideas of what I thought should be, loss of children to be added to our family, and loss in the form of death. It's almost sad to admit, but all of this loss has caused me to hope for and long for heaven more. It's caused me to step back and ask myself why I long for heaven now, when things are taken away in this life, and why I didn't long for heaven more before. The Lord's kindness has allowed me to see where I was lacking and spurred me on think more rightly about what it means to hope in something, especially Him and His working.


So, I ask you, what do you hope in in this life? Is it your own works? Your kind acts to others? Do you hope in another's kind acts to you? If you answer yes to these questions, or if you don't know how to answer these questions, I ask you to consider your life and where you stand in relation to the God who created you. Do you desire to rule your life and it's goings on or do you live your life in faith in the One who rules over all things? For more on this subject, click here. My prayer is that you will be able to claim these words with the other saints who have believed in the Lord Jesus with faith and hope:


"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you."
Romans 8:1-11

Picture of the flowers blooming on our weekend in Brown Co., IN

A Very Important Anniversary

Today started as any other day starts for me. This morning I sat on the couch eating breakfast, checking my e-mail, and watching the news. Then, I looked down at the calendar and noticed what day it was. February 10th! I don't know how I could have forgotten such an important day in the life of our family, but I did. Part of me felt like a bit of a failure. February 10, 2011 is the day that Sam and I officially became the parents of our daughter. It was a day that was filled with such joy and excitement. A day full of thankfulness and contentment. It was the day that we had longed and hoped for.


22 months. That's how long it took for the cabinet of Kentucky to go through trial and error with Rebekah's birth parents, to decide that she would have the best opportunity for growth and safety if she were permanently in our home, and for us to get a court date to make her adoption official. Those months were long and hard. Emotionally, they were draining. But, being on the other side of those months, we wouldn't trade them for anything. The God who created Sam and I knew exactly what we could handle. He knew how to use our circumstances to press us and mold us. He used the trials of those months to grow us and conform us more into the image of His Son.  The author of the book of James reminds us of how a Christian should approach trails in our lives: 


"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
James 1:2-4 ESV


The Lord used our trials to produce steadfastness. He showed Sam and me the ability that we had to care for and love each other. Though those months were difficult, we're thankful for them and better people because of them. Adopting Rebekah doesn't mean that our struggles to grow our family have slowed by any means and I'm thankful for our past experiences to look back and learn from, remember, and be encouraged by God's work in our lives. 


Each year, on our wedding anniversary, Sam and I take time to review the last years events, remember the Lord's faithfulness, and ask each other how we can be a better spouse in the upcoming year. Well, I wanted to take advantage of this day to list the links to the blog posts that I wrote last year telling the story of Rebekah's adoption. If you are new to our blog, I hope you read these posts and see God's faithfulness to our family in light of difficult circumstances. If you've followed the blog for a while and know the story of our struggles with infertility, I hope that you read these posts and remember God's steadfast care and provision for His children. 


Post 1 - http://samandlindsaycrosby.blogspot.com/2011/02/beginning.html
Post 2 - http://samandlindsaycrosby.blogspot.com/2011/02/shes-beautiful.html
Post 3 - http://samandlindsaycrosby.blogspot.com/2011/01/in-nurture-of-lord.html
Post 4 - http://samandlindsaycrosby.blogspot.com/2011/02/sad-times.html
Post 5 - http://samandlindsaycrosby.blogspot.com/2011/02/sweet-rebekah-love.html
Post 6 (Written by Sam) - http://samandlindsaycrosby.blogspot.com/2011/02/new-fathers-perspective.html


This Psalm is such a great reminder of God's steadfast love for His children, His reign over His creation, and His infinite faithfulness. I read this morning and it led me to praise our God for His character. 

         The Steadfast Love of the Lord

Shout for joy in the LORD, O you righteous!

Praise befits the upright.

Give thanks to the LORD with the lyre;

make melody to him with the harp of ten strings!

Sing to him a new song;

play skillfully on the strings, with loud shouts.

For the word of the LORD is upright,

and all his work is done in faithfulness.

He loves righteousness and justice;

the earth is full of the steadfast love of the LORD.

By the word of the LORD the heavens were made,

and by the breath of his mouth all their host.

He gathers the waters of the sea as a heap;

he puts the deeps in storehouses.

Let all the earth fear the LORD;

let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him!

For he spoke, and it came to be;

he commanded, and it stood firm.

The LORD brings the counsel of the nations to nothing;

he frustrates the plans of the peoples.

The counsel of the LORD stands forever,

the plans of his heart to all generations.

Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD,

the people whom he has chosen as his heritage!

The LORD looks down from heaven;

he sees all the children of man;

from where he sits enthroned he looks out

on all the inhabitants of the earth,

he who fashions the hearts of them all

and observes all their deeds.

The king is not saved by his great army;

a warrior is not delivered by his great strength.

The war horse is a false hope for salvation,

and by its great might it cannot rescue.

Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear him,

on those who hope in his steadfast love,

that he may deliver their soul from death

and keep them alive in famine.

Our soul waits for the LORD;

he is our help and our shield.

For our heart is glad in him,

because we trust in his holy name.

Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us,

even as we hope in you.

           

                Psalm 33:1-22 ESV 

You didn't think I would leave this post without pictures did you? Though these aren't from this month, they are some of my favorite pictures from the last year (taken Oct. 2011) and totally embody Rebekah's personality.

Family Day at Blackacre Farm

Last Saturday morning we woke up and wondered what we were going to do. This almost never happens! So, Sam opened the computer to research what fun family outing we could pursue and I laid next to him on the couch hoping to get some instruction about the day but fell back asleep. A few minutes later, when I woke up Sam said he'd like to go to a place he found called Blackacre Nature Preserve and hike around. This immediately sent small flashes of anxiety to my brain, almost like the flashes of lightning you see in the distance when a storm is approaching. It's a sign to be cautious, but if you go inside you may miss out on a beautiful show. I've never been hiking and would much rather call it "walking in the woods". It would make me feel less like I need shoes with spikes and a First Aid kit. I have a fear that we will get into the woods and my blood sugar will plummet, or a bear, coyote, snake, or cougar will get me. Remember folks, I have an irrational fear of wild animals (read the side note about the ocean) and going into the woods on purpose is not my idea of fun. However, I decided to implement my life's motto of "sometimes you have to suck it up and do things you don't want to" for the sake of a fun family day (or whatever the fill in the blank at the end needs to read).  

Doesn't she look so old in this picture? Our baby is growing up very fast... too fast!

When we arrived and I saw this beautiful pasture I felt relief about our "hiking" adventure. 

Then, before the hike, I walked into the restroom and saw this:

I DID NOT love the idea of using this bathroom, but when you've gotta go, you've gotta go!

 Has anyone ever heard of a composting toilet? Well, I found out about them quickly and also quickly decided that I didn't need to eat any food that came from the garden on the farm (read the bottom left picture). YUCK!

Also, I'm guessing that the dried flowers were meant to be air freshener, but I'm pretty sure they're past their prime.

Sam was pretty excited about walking through the woods and checking out the trails. He especially loved that we were doing it as a family. I loved that he loved it!

The thing about walking in the woods is that I find myself looking at the ground a lot and missing the beautiful creation of God. I am clumsy and tend to trip over things when I'm not paying attention, so I end up looking at the ground to avoid falling over tree roots, slipping on damp rocks, and making sure that there are no snakes on the path, just in case. 

All in all, it was a good hike. My blood sugar did drop but it was my fault. I was so distracted by the bathroom adventure that I forgot to prep for the hike. I will know better for our next trip!

Blackacre not only has opportunities to "walk in the woods", but also farm animals to enjoy! They have horses, mules, goats, and cows. All of the animals are very used to human interaction and come running any time they see someone walking in their general direction. 

The mules were pretty interested in the camera!

This was one of my favorite moments:

My girl feeding the mule. She especially LOVED that she could feed the mule from a safe distance. 

These thorn bushes reminded me of Matthew's account of Jesus' treatment and beatings before being crucified. 

[24] So when Pilate saw that he was gaining nothing, but rather that a riot was beginning, he took water and washed his hands before the crowd, saying, “I am innocent of this man's blood; see to it yourselves.” [25] And all the people answered, “His blood be on us and on our children!” [26] Then he released for them Barabbas, and having scourged Jesus, delivered him to be crucified.

[27] Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the governor's headquarters, and they gathered the whole battalion before him. [28] And they stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him,

[29] and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on his head and put a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!” [30] And they spit on him and took the reed and struck him on the head. [31] And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the robe and put his own clothes on him and led him away to crucify him.

(Matthew 27:24-31 ESV)

Oh, how he suffered for me! Such a difficult suffering he endured for my sin. Seeing those thorns made me grieve my sin and rejoice in my God's care for me.

And then there's this... my sweet girl's face. There is something about the way she looks at me these days. She seems to be growing up so fast. Her eyes often command my attention and make me want to drink in every good and joyful moment we have together. Lately she will gives me hugs, wrapping both of her arms around my neck, and then pulls back to look at me, and say, "I love it the momma." (No, that wasn't a typo, she really says it that way). Moments like that make all of the unnoticed and ungrateful moments (typical life w/ a 2 yr old) worth it!

***************

Crosby Adoption Update:

We received a call from our agency this morning informing us that the birth mother had changed her mind.   She called them this morning to tell them that she has secured a place to live with her sister and that she will be receiving financial help to enable her take care of her daughter.

We are pretty disappointed and heartbroken over this. We put off looking at a picture of the baby until yesterday, when the adoption director thought that we would be more in the clear of not having the birth mother decide to parent and disrupt the adoption process.  We took a step of faith and opened the e-mail together to see a beautiful little baby girl. The baby has such a sweet smile and is so adorable! It was hard for me to stop looking at her picture. I wanted to sit and stare at it as long as I could. I wanted to soak in every feature of her chubby little face so that when we first saw her on Saturday it would be familiar to me. We spent last night getting diapers, formula, and a few things we would need to get through our first week with her. We spoke to the woman who has been caring for her for the last month and learned her schedule, type of diapers, the pacifiers that she likes best, everything that we could learn to prepare to make her transition as smooth as possible. 

Our news today was difficult to hear and process.  We're still processing it all really, but we are thankful for the time that we were privileged to spend praying for this baby and are trusting in the Lord's faithfulness to us. We see His goodness to us in so many ways: 

* The birth mother called today to tell the agency of her decision instead of waiting until tomorrow or Friday. 

*We wanted to wait to give the baby a name until we saw her picture, but once we saw her we decided that all of the names we could agree on didn't seem to fit her. We feel like it would have been more difficult to handle this change if we had decided on a name for her.

*Rebekah was with a friend this morning when I got the call. She thinks that when I cry she should be sad and cry too. I think that if she were with me my time would have been spent consoling her instead of being able to grieve.

*When Sam told his boss what happened, he told him to take as much time as he needed and to come home to be with me.

*We have not lost any money in the disruption of this adoption. 

 Many of you have asked how you can pray for us. Here's what I've come up with:

1) I think that the best way to pray is for us to remember the promises that the Lord has made to His children. By His grace, we are not questioning His care and goodness to us, but seeking to remember His faithfulness to us (thankfully we have Rebekah to help remind us of that).

2) Pray for us as we wait to be chosen by another birth mother. We've given permission for our profile to be shown again and want to wait patiently, without anxiety or worry about this situation happening again.

Thank you for all of your kind words and prayers. They have helped us immensely and we are grateful for such a great support system, especially our church family. 

The Kentucky State Fair, Family, and Food

Sam and I moved to Kentucky in August of 2004. Just saying the date seems like a long time ago, but we have loved our life here and I wouldn't change it for the world! At times it seems as though it's flown by and I know I haven't taken advantage of everything that our city has to offer, but it will never be said of us that we didn't take advantage of living in a city with a State Fair. It's been an annual tradition that started just weeks after moving here and it's one of my favorites to date (my next favorite is the St. James Art Show, coming in 2 weeks!). Sam's sister moved here a few years after we did and the tradition grew to having Carol, and eventually her husband, and now children come with us.

The funny thing about our version of going to the fair is that we don't care much about the rides. In fact, I would almost rather not even go through that section of the fair (we did it this year so I could practice taking pictures in low light). I really dislike being yelled at by the people in the booths as we walk by the rides, or the man who wants to guess my weight (if I wanted everyone to know how much I weighed I would just wear a sign, or button, or something), and then there's the folks who try to talk us into spending money to throw a small ball into a fish bowl with an even smaller mouth. If I happen to be one of those fortunate few to make the ball into the bowl, I am now responsible for feeding and caring for a fish. No thanks!

If you know anything about the Crosby side of our family you know that our time together is mostly centered around food. There is usually a phone call or e-mail sent out a few weeks before we travel to Florida to see family asking what we would like to eat while we're visiting. That is usually followed up by phone conversations to confirm what we will eat and then when we arrive it's like being in food heaven. We always come home and talk about have we've gained 5 lbs and need to eat less for the next few weeks.


I love this about Sam's family! It's one way that they show care for their children. They are incredibly hospitable and have a strong desire to serve others in their home. I hope to emulate that about them as we grow in opportunities to show hospitality.


***Side note*** Mealtime with the Crosby family has been my favorite thing to share with them since I was 17 years old. I love that everyone is together in one place, talking about their lives, enjoying each others company, laughing, and just being together. But, what I love most about mealtime at the Crosby house is what happens afterward. We've been known to sit at the table for hours after finishing a meal and just talk. Sometimes there is one conversation that we all join in on and sometimes there are many conversations happening at once. These conversations run a gamut of subjects that often include silly stories about the kids growing up, something funny said at just the right time by Kate (Sam's youngest sister) trying to make her mother have a drink and/or food come out of her nose (I'm pretty sure it's Kate's goal in life), but you can guarantee that there is almost always going to be some discussion about the Gospel and what God is doing in someone's life. I love the spectrum of discussion!


Needless to say, one of the family's favorite parts of the fair is the food. I mean, how often can you get a foot-long corn dog slathered with ketchup, or a turkey leg the size of my forearm, or something called pork butt on a stick (I swear that's what it's really called!)?

The top right picture is what was left of the turkey leg once we all ate off of it. Don't worry, I was just sharing some ice cream with Rebekah in the bottom right picture. She's not ready yet for a full food experience at the fair. I, however, should have dieted for the 4 weeks to make up for what I ate!  

My favorite part of the fair is the art section. I always enjoy looking at the wide range of skill levels of the entries and collecting inspiration.

This was the first year that Rebekah and Abraham were really old enough to notice the animals, which they really liked, but I'm pretty sure their favorite part was that there was constantly music playing. They both have this ability to hear music and immediately start bustin' a move. It's almost like that can't not dance!

There is a section for kids called the Kids Zone. It has stuff like the petting zoo pictured above, and things like fire and police safety. One of the educational tools the police use is something called Safety Town. The idea is that the children will ride the tricycles around the town, stopping at red lights or stop signs, and then making it back safely to the finish line where they receive suckers for their participation. Well, lets just say that Rebekah and Abraham proved that they aren't 100% ready for safety training yet.

 I think Abraham made it 1/4 of the way around before he was finished with the bike and Rebekah decided to abandon the bike all together in the middle of the road and take off on foot. It was like a toddler version of COPS. Sam chased her around the entire town only for her to return to the start/finish line and try to jump onto another bike and then ask for her sucker. Gotta love 2 yr olds!

We had a great time and I can't wait until next year to see what Rebekah thinks about the fair when she's 3.5 yrs old compared to this year.


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Crosby Adoption Update -
           The birth mother that we're matched with terminated her rights in court this week and now we're just waiting for the appeal period to pass before we can travel to Memphis to pick up the baby. In one way it's hard to wait because we wish we could pick her up now and bring her home. However, the Lord has been gracious in giving us a great adoption director who is looking out for us as well as the birth mother. For many reasons, we (the director and Sam and I) don't feel like it's a good idea for us to see pictures of the baby yet. It's hard. If this little one is supposed to be our daughter we want to see her, give her a name, and begin cultivating a parental love for her. But, there's a bit of a question as to whether the birth mother might change her mind and we all want to be careful to dance around this situation delicately. You can pray for us to be waiting patiently, without worry or anxiety, and to remember God's goodness and faithfulness to His children no matter what the outcome. Pray also for the birth mother. She is young, has a hard life, and is seeking to do what's best for her daughter, but has outside family pressuring her to consider keeping the baby (which she does not feel is best). She is in a difficult situation and we can only pray that this time of waiting will be part of the Lord's working in her heart to bring her to Himself and a time of refining for Sam and me.

Waiting...

Waiting can be hard. It's a difficult thing to be still and wait on someone else to work. It requires giving up the desire to be in control. It requires being patient and fighting anxiety. Some people choose to wait with anxious hearts but I have learned from experience that it's the wrong route to go and only brings physical and emotional suffering. Christians are supposed to fight against anxiety. We are supposed to pray, making our requests known to God, who, after all, already knows the outcome of what we're waiting for.

On August 10, 2011 I woke up feeling ill. It seemed like a cold, but as the day progressed I was feeling worse. The next day was Sam's birthday and we had a childless fun-filled evening planned. Well, by the end of the afternoon I had managed to let Rebekah watch 2 movies (she was also sick and still had her normal amount of energy but mine was tanked) and have some room time so I could rest. I was actually able to shower and get dressed before we went out just to have dinner, almost changing my mind twice. My friend Deana once told me that I was a horrible patient and sick person (she was a P.A. so she can say that). She's right! I hate being sick. I don't like stopping life to rest, unless it's with my family, and I certainly don't like the part where I have to wait to get better so I can resume my regular activities. By Sunday I was feeling so bad that I went to the Walgreens clinic and got some medication and I can now, 18 days later, say that I'm starting to feel better. Waiting is hard.

My Gram (Dad's mom) passed away this week. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last November, just 2 weeks after meeting our sweet Rebekah, her great-grandaughter, for the first time. It had also been 5 years since Sam and I had seen her at our wedding in January of 2005. Gram was visiting my Uncle and Aunt in TN and we decided to make the 5.5 hour drive down and spend the weekend with her while she was so close (she lived in Oregon). Uncle Rob and Aunt Mary are incredibly hospitable and we are so grateful for the time we had with them, especially Gram, that weekend. When we (my dad's side of the family) learned that she had cancer we all waited. We waited to hear about treatment options. It's a hard type of cancer to treat and my because of my Gram's age (yesterday was her birthday and she would have been 87 years old) she opted not to pursue any treatment. She opted to wait. She waited on God to work. She was an incredible example of how to live and die well. She loved her children, grandchildren (who lived both near and far), her great- grandchildren, and most of all her Lord. Over the last few years Gram and I would talk on the phone about once a month. She was always very interested in what was going on with Rebekah and her adoption.  Gram was raised by her Aunt and Uncle. Our conversations always ended in talking about God's faithfulness to us and I always hung up encouraged and thankful for her, especially in the more recent years. Even the last conversation we had was seasoned with reminders of relying on God as I told her I knew it would be hard to be patient and wait but the Lord is faithful and would be with her to the end. Waiting is hard. It is hard to wait and live in this life without those conversations with her.

I started this post this morning while Sam was helping a friend move. My intention was to end with our update on our adoption situation and waiting to be chosen by a birthmother. Well, this afternoon we received a phone call informing us that we've been chosen by a birth mother to adopt her daughter! There is a court date scheduled this Wednesday and then there is a short appeal period where we will wait to see if she changes her mind. After that, we're free to go get our daughter! We thought that we would be waiting for a pregnant woman to choose us and then wait some more for the baby to be born and then wait for the appeal period to end before we picked up our child. But, the Lord seemed to have other plans. The baby that we've been matched with is an 8 week old healthy girl and we hope that we will be introducing her to our family and friends in early September!

What is there to learn from all of this waiting? God's timing is often not the same as ours, His thoughts are higher than ours, and His timing is perfect.

Needless to say, we're busy and have A LOT to do before we are ready to bring a 3 month old home. So I'll leave you with some pictures from a trip to the water park by our house with our friends' children. Rebekah LOVES Jacob (2 months older than her), but she REALLY LOVES Samuel (3 years older than her) and it's so evident in these pictures.

Monkey See:

Monkey Do:

Samuel took a break to sit under the water and the next thing we knew Rebekah was sitting in his lap

and finally a few pictures of some of Rebekah's favorite past times:

1) shoving as many grapes in her mouth as she can at once

2) Singing. The girl LOVES to sing and regularly pretends to sing from our old church bulletins or her books:

3) Finger painting

P.S. We still have adoption t-shirts if anyone is interested. You can check out the info on them here or you can e-mail us at adoptiontshirt@gmail.com with questions. All proceeds will go toward the cost of our adoption (hopefully in early September!)